We all have that one thing (or many, depending on the day) we nag ourselves about. You know that nasty little negative voice in your head. This trait seems like such a big deal to us – the owner of that trait. Meanwhile, other people most likely don’t notice or don’t care (and if they don’t notice or don’t care (and let’s be honest here, the people who do notice or care are probably not the people you need in your life). I’m not going to pretend that I don’t struggle with this exact thing. Hence writing about it right now. I am not going to pretend like I haven’t looked at another woman and wished one of her traits to become mine. I am not going to pretend like I haven’t examined myself in the mirror wishing things looked different.
And why wouldn’t this be a struggle when it is engrained in our society that beauty has a specific size or look. I mean look around. Look at the TV, magazines, movies. Think back about to the way you were raised. The women who raised you. The female friends in your life. The females who aren’t your friends but in your life. Pay attention to the way women talk about their bodies.
I am choosing (what a powerful feeling btw) to look at myself and and be ok with my body.
That quite possibly is the first step: awareness. Once I started to really, and I mean really, pay attention to the way I was talking about myself and the way other women talk about their bodies, it was alarming. It makes me sad. For me, the next step was to make the conscious decision to not talk about myself that way. So that’s what I am doing.
I am choosing (what a powerful feeling btw) to look at myself and and be ok with my body. Making conscious decisions to focus on what my body can do. What it has done. A conscience decision to stop focusing on what society tells me my body should look like. One of my biggest body struggles has always been my thighs. Too big. Too much cellulite. No gap. You get the idea.
It is time for more body kindness. It is time to focus on the positive and the strength. Which is why I decided to write an apology letter to my thighs:
I am sorry for how I have treated and talked to you over the past couple of decades. All you want to do is literally carry me everyday.
I am sorry for always wishing you didn’t touch. Not just because it makes my shorts ride up, or the chaffing caused, but for thinking I would be happier with a thigh gap.
I am sorry for blaming you for not being able to find a pair of pants that fit the way I wanted. It wasn’t your fault. People have thighs. And that is cool. Maybe the clothing industry needs to recognize.
I am sorry for wishing you didn’t take up so much space when I sit in a chair.
Body glide was invented for a reason. Pants can be tailored. And taking up space isn’t such a bad thing after all.
Instead, dear thighs, I should have been thanking you all along. You support me everyday. I have put you through the ringer over the years. Who even knows how many miles you have logged. Some days after particularly long or intense workouts, I could tell you were tired and a little angry. But you have never let me down. Marathons, countless swim kick sets, cycling, jump squats (which I know you really hate). The list goes on. You always withstand only to get stronger. To make me stronger.
I will no longer scold you my dear thighs. Instead I will thank you for all the miles you have carried me, and all the miles yet to come.
Your biggest fan,