I am not going to act like things I watch and read don’t deeply affect me as a person. I carried around a quote from To Kill a Mockingbird for at least all of high school and probably most of college. I am not even exaggerating that I think about To Kill a Mockingbird and Harry Potter books at least once a day.
Right now I am riding high on the Lady Gaga Five Foot Two documentary on Netflix. As if I couldn’t love her anymore. It is a must watch. It basically follows her leading up to the Super Bowl and the release of her latest album Joanne. In case you aren’t aware, Lady Gaga is a badass. If she makes you uncomfortable, that is probably a good thing because if you take time to listen to her, she is amazing. She made me uncomfortable when she first became popular. I had a student who was obsessed with her. I didn’t get it. Who is this weird-meat-dress-wearing-lady? As her career progressed and I listened to her music and read articles and interviews about her, she inspired me.
I pretty much sang The Edge of Glory to myself for an entire marathon in 2013. I love how she speaks her mind and stands up for women. Not to mention her talent and how hard she works. All of this shows in the documentary, and because making lists makes me happy, here are my top 3 takeaways from her documentary that resonated with me, and I think we can all benefit from.
- Turning 30 was kind of magical. She talks about how something changed when she turned 30 and she stopped feeling like she had something to prove. She felt more confident in herself and what she is doing. What is it about the 20s? It really is a crazy decade of college, first jobs, maybe second jobs, living on your own, trying to figure out who you are… and so much more. When I turned 30 (several years ago…), gone were the days of feeling like I have to be a certain way or follow a specific path to be successful. Something about being thirty made me say fuck it to all of the “shoulds” in my life. Like deciding to leave the career I had been building for 8 years (really more if you include college) because it didn’t feel right anymore. It wasn’t what I wanted my days to look like. Was it scary? Yes. Would I have done something like that in my 20s? No. Maybe it is just more life experience, confidence in what I value, and wanting my life to reflect what I value, but so far the thirties have been the best.
- Vulnerability. Over the past few years I have really come to value someone who can be vulnerable. Not vulnerable like not paying attention to what is going on around them, but vulnerable that they can recognize they don’t have it all together and there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, is there anyone who actually has “it all together?” What does that even me? In the documentary, it was a relief to see that Lady Gaga shared her vulnerabilities. She is this hugely successful woman, but she is a real person with real fears and real pain. Maybe that is why her music resonates with so many people. Social media can be a big problem in this arena. It is so easy to post the most perfect moments. I am certainly guilty of that. Posting real life, that takes courage. I am in this Facebook group, and the moderator of the group is a mom and a business owner. The group is filled with female entrepreneurs. So the other day I see she had posted a video, and it was early in the morning. She was having a hard time. Her son wasn’t sleeping so she had been up most the night, she was worried about her business, and a host of other worries that I think we could all relate to. In her sleep deprived state, she had hit her limit and broke down in the video. It was honest and raw. And I can’t tell you how much I respect her for sharing that. I know it wasn’t easy, but by her sharing it made other women not feel alone. It also inspired other women in the group to share and support her. It is so easy to feel alone in the struggle. People don’t want to talk about it for whatever reason. Maybe it is seen as weak. Over the past few years though, I have learned that being vulnerable is the biggest show of strength there is. We don’t have to pretend like we have everything together all the time. The more we share these moments with each other, the more we will learn that we aren’t alone. The more we share with each other the more we can lift and support. Which brings me to my third and final point.
- Women need to support each other and not work against each other. This has been a real topic on my mind for many years. Watching women work against each other is something I have witnessed and experienced too many times. I didn’t realize there was a thing between Madonna and Lady Gaga. It was talked about in the documentary, and Lady Gaga is pretty good about not playing into some comments Madonna made about her. Then you see her recording the song Hey Girl with Florence from Florence + the Machine. Go listen to it. It is everything. When women are already working against a current, I don’t understand how a woman works against another woman. I think Chelsea Handler explained it perfectly in this clip:
It is worth your time. But basically there is enough opportunity to go around, and you shouldn’t blow out someone else’s candle to make yours shine brighter. Uh, yes please. I have so many friends who are amazing. Who own their own business. Who excel at what they do. Who are amazing moms. Who are strong as fuck. I could sit around and be jealous wishing I was doing what they are doing, OR I can let myself be inspired by these fine women. I can introduce my daughter to them because she can never have too many strong women in her life. So yeah, I choose to be inspired. Especially if you go back to point number 2. No one has it all together, no matter what it looks like on the outside or on their social media account. And if we don’t support each other, what are we even doing? So let’s all take a lesson from Shalane Flanagan as she won the NYC marathon this past weekend and said “Fuck yes” to herself as she crossed the finish line.
Can we as women just say that to ourselves and each other more often? I cried watching this. A win like this for one woman (hard work, dedication, persistence), is a win for all women. It paves the path for young girls to dream whether it is sports, science, or any field they are interested in. Then I read this article on Shalene, and what is called the Shalene Effect: “Call it the Shalane Effect: You serve as a rocket booster for the careers of the women who work alongside you, while catapulting forward yourself.” Fuck yes.
The days are getting shorter, it is getting chilly out. So when you are surfing for something to watch, grab a cup of cocoa, a glass of wine, a bowl of ice cream (or maybe all 3) and watch this documentary.
Real Always Wins 